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I’ve been meaning to post this since the beginning of the year but I keep on forgetting, distracted by its star and her little brother (and, I swear, there is no better distraction). So here it is: a collection of some of the things Amélie said last year that touched me, amazed me or made me laugh. I wish I had remembered to scribble down more as time went by but sometimes the moment was just too… uninterruptable… to interrupt it scrabbling for a pen and scrap of paper, and sometimes we were too busy or in too much of a rush and, by the time I remembered that she had said something I wanted to remember, I had already forgotten. It’s quite terrifying, really, our brain’s ability to edit, erase and re-write against our will – which makes me so much happier that I did this because I’m sure that I wouldn’t have remembered 99% of this if I hadn’t recorded it somehow.

01 Jan 11: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT! I’M IN FIRST! I CAN DRIIIIIVE!” (we got Super Mario Cart for Christmas. Amélie was winning).

01 Jan 11: “But mum, I don’t want you to love Steve Backshall. I want you to stay married to my daddy” (I had a bit of a crush on the Deadly 60 presenter).

04 Jan 11: “I’m like an arlilodgadick” (= archeologist).

04 Jan 11: “Ar-ki-ologist! Mum! I’m so proud! I can say archeologist!”

05 Jan 11: “Amélie, you have no idea how much I love you” – “Do you love me a hundred meters?” (Amélie gets to grips with units of measurement).

07 Jan 11: “Mummy, in winter, do elephants become mammoths?”

07 Jan 11: “Mummy is not a friend of divorce!”

08 Jan 11: “I’m the princess of West Ham” (West Ham is Hanno’s football team).

09 Jan 11: “Mum: I’m waiting for my service!” (Amélie’s reaction to not being brought something to eat immediately after announcing she was hungry).

16 Jan 11: To “reveille people up who are died”, to “make people beautiful and smart”, to “make pictures”, to “make people nice who are meanie”, to “make butterflies who don’t have wings have wings”, to “make screamy pants stop screaming” (that’s Charlie). My magic powers: to “make doors open all by themselves and to make doudous move all by themselves” (the magic powers Amélie would choose if she could).

18 Jan 11: “I’m your scrumble-bunny” (meaning she’s hungry)

19 Jan 11: “I’m all scrumble-dumbly” (meaning… you guessed it… she’s hungry)

21 Jan 11: “Thank you for chat time mummy” (Amélie after we spoke on the phone)

28 Jan 11: “But no dad! He can’t cook dinner!” (on why she couldn’t marry a lion).

29 Jan 11: “Mummy, when I am older, I want to be a artist”

29 Jan 11: “Four and four is eight mum?” (Amélie’s random thought for the day)

29 Jan 11: “We had a beautiful journey today” (she meant “walk”)

1 Feb 11: “Maman, there’s a new girl at school and she speaks my language!” (english – everyone else speaks french).

2 Feb 11: “Amélie, you’re going to be making pancakes at school today” “And tomorrow my picture!” (she’s having her school photo taken) “Yup” “I have two special days!” “You do” “Not you” “No, but I have a special day every day because I get to see you” “But not much” (I spend too much time at work).

2 Feb 11: Amélie’s recipe for “chicken karmoozee”: “Take some chocolate, then salt and mix it all in. Then more salt. Then meat. That’s your pudding”.

7 Feb 11: We were just listening to a feature about Donald Rumsfeld on BBC Radio 4. Every time they played a clip of him speaking, Amélie shouted: “he’s from Scooby Doo!”. So now we know.

17 Feb 11: “Be careful with me. I’m precious” (I was lying on my back with her perched on my legs above me).

19 Feb 11: “Daddy is turning into a grandpa – he used to have a line on his forehead. Now he has a triangle”.

21 Feb 11: “Cass, Han: stop, wait! You have to stop disputing so you can be friends” – Amélie intervening (arms outstretched) in a disagreement (i can’t call it an argument – we were both laughing!).

23 Feb 11: “I don’t want to go on holiday with the big hole!” – we told her about the Grand Canyon.

12 March 11: “Mum, why aren’t you wearing your pajamas?” “I don’t know… so daddy would think I was pretty?” “But why mum?! Daddy ALWAYS thinks you are pretty!”.

12 March 11: “Cass, the reporter thinks Japan is even important than everything else!” (after the Japanese earthquake and tsunami)

13 March 11: “Where are your staples mum?” “Why? Are you making a book?” “No, it’s for my essay” “Are you writing an essay? What’s it about?” “The world. We need to clean it up and make it safe and sound”.

19 March 11: “Mum, you need to get used to Hanno’s slobbery kisses”.

20 March 11: “Please clean up your mess Amélie. If daddy has to keep on cleaning up after us, he might get really angry and leave us! And then who would do the cooking?” “Steve Backshall?” (Amélie knows that if Han ever leaves, I might just try and replace him with Mr Backshall).

21 March 11: “I’m the fastest girl! Look at me zoom off: I’m going to be all blurry!”

24 March 11: “Mama, you are the best: you are the pink cupcake” (there is nothing better than a pink cupcake).

25 March 11: “You have boy hair, boy eyebrows and a boy willy!” (explaining to Hanno why he wasn’t a girl).

29 March 11: “Your mother’s a meanie, Amélie” “Why?” “Because she won’t let me touch her bum” “But Haaaan! Her bum is DISGUSTING!”.

29 March 11: Watching Wonders of the Universe with Amélie: “I want our galaxy to be pink… but it’s blue”.

29 March 11: being a witch “I’m going to eat black butter and slimy fish and a dog sandwich with socks and eye slime and… the skin of your baby boy!” (from sweet to scary)

15 April 11: “Mum, come! Come! I’ve done a dog poo!” (exclaimed with glee from the bathroom)

18 April 11: “Listen mum, I can speak Japanese… Hola, je m’appelle Amélie!”

18 April 11 (Charlie is down to one feed a day): “Your boobies are tiny! Why did they shrunked?”

22 April 11: “I’m going to turn into an iceburger!” (eating ice-cream)

23 April 11: “Where are my flippers?” (looking for her slippers)

30 April 11: “I’m being a spicious” (on behaving sneekily… or suspiciously)

01 May 11: “I know another artist: Matisse!” (out of the blue, on our way to a Miro exhibition – she never fails to amaze me)

02 May 11: “They’re as old as an elephant in the grass!” (on her need for new shoes)

02 May 11: Amélie – “Donads!” Hanno – “Did you just say gonads Amélie?” Me – “Nooo! She said doughnuts.” Amélie – “Donads!” Me – “What’s a donad Amélie?” Amélie “You know, like Daddy’s willy!”. Gonads it was then.

03 May 11: “You cheeky mother-lover” – Amélie’s reaction to being told my engagement ring was given to Hanno by his grandmother.

08 May 11: “This one is really expensive. You have to pay for it every year. It is very delicate because it is really old. It was made in the 1960s by dinosaurs. So it’s a bit crappy” (telling me about a sculpture she has made from a bubble-bath bottle, a Playmobil man and two bead necklaces).

14 May 11: Walking past a car covered in white ribbon: “Mama, why have they done that to their car?” “Maybe they’re getting married” “Who” “The people in the car” “Or maybe it’s two boys who are gay. They can get married too”.

14 May 11: Me to Hanno: “I put Charlie to bed”; Amélie: “Or maybe you made him die”; Me: “Amélie!”; Amélie: “Ok, maybe you didn’t kill him”.

19 May 11: “Mum, are there camels where you’re going?” (I was going to India)

19 May 11: “Can you show me the dressing up shops? I’m not interested in anything else” (in response to Hanno offering to show her some pictures of India)

20 May 11: “Mum, my bum is sweaty” (rushing to the doctors after school for my pre-India vaccinations. This was her only complaint about running half way across Brussels. She was such a trooper).

20 May 11: “Thank you for being so lovely Amélie” – “No problemo Mama. No problem. You don’t have to say thank you. That’s just what I do”.

21 May 11: “This pot is for putting all our bobs and bits in”.

22 May 11: The three reasons Amélie gave for me to get out of bed this morning: 1) “I want mum to get up, not dad, because we do fun things together”; 2) “I want to spend lots of time with you before you go to India”; 3) “Open your eyes. They are so beautiful. I want to see them”.

22 May 11: “You know Mohamed? When I do this…” puts her hands behind her head “…he says I’m beautiful. I just can’t believe it. Sigh. He’s my boyfriend”.

4 June 11: “You’re the best present” – on which gifts I might have brought back from India with me.

4 June 11: “Why don’t you stop talking about dying?!” – Amélie has enough of listening to bad news on Radio 4.

13 June 11: “Mum, why’s that dog following me?” “Probably because it likes the cheesy smell of your feet. Maybe he wants to eat them.” “But mum, I NEED my feet.” “You do, do you? We should tell him.” “But MUM, he’s a DOG. He doesn’t understand our language.”

18 June 11: (on why I should get out of bed and join her in the sitting room) “That’s not fair! One little girl all on her own and two big people together. A little girl can’t look after herself. A big person can!”

18 June 11: “Where’s my blue balloon” “I don’t know Amélie. Why don’t you walk around to see if you can find it?” “Like Goldilocks?!” (said with contempt) “What?!” “Goldilocks walked around and she found a house” (obviously).

27 June 11: “I shouldn’t do that! I’m electric!” (on why she shouldn’t breathe in lots of dust. Because she’s *allergic*).

14 July 11: “When you’re big, you don’t get bigger anymore, you just have birthdays”. “That’s right: we just get older, not bigger”. “Your face just gets all wrinkly. That’s what happens when you’re old”.

15 July 11: “The importantest thing is to vivre ensemble” followed by “‎It’s nice not to moque each other and it’s REALLY nice not to chop our heads off” (vivre ensemble = to live together; to moque = to make fun of).

21 July 11: Walking around town with Amélie, I stopped in front of one of my favorite shop windows to lust over the Wishbone chairs… “But mum, you already have a house full of everything you need!”. “I know Amélie but I just want them anyway”. Pulling me away from the shop window: “I’m being like a mummy and you’re just acting like a little girl”.

21 July 11: Hanno was telling us yet again about his essay… “Han! It’s not the importantest thing in the world!” What is then Amélie? “Babies o’ course!”.

23 July 11: “Little people are more differenter than big people: I don’t sort out pictures or plan on an iPod” – because that’s what the big people in her life do.

24 July 11: “What do you want for your birthday Amélie?” “I like princesses” “Anything unrelated to princesses?” “A real penguin”.

25 July 11: Amélie: “Did they have candles in olden times?” Me: “They did. In the really olden times, though, they used to be made of animal fat. But they weren’t very nice: they really stank.” Amélie: “Like you?” Cass: ” * “.

26 July 11: Me: “Amélie, put your knickers on first, not your leggings!” Amélie: “Knickers first?” Me: “Yes, Amélie, knickers first.” Amélie (deadpan): “Oops, I tromped. I thought I was a superhero” (I tromped = I made a mistake, in Franglais).

27 July 11: “Mum, do princesses have birthdays or are they robots?”

5 August 11: “Mummy, what are these pink bits?” (points at the corner of Charlie’s eyes) “Are they his brain?”.

8 August 11: “We bought a huge pot of lumpy yogurt” – how to put Hanno off rice pudding for life.

12 August 11: “But what if Adeline has a long dress and then she steps on it and trips over” (on why Billy and Adeline should have bridesmaids at their wedding)

28 August 11: “I never get tired. Didn’t you know? I keep on running all the time. Just at night, then my head powers down”

03 September 11: “It tastes of strawberries. Is it kermenicals or is it real strawberries?” (kermenicals = chemicals)

07 September 11: “You’re not grumpy with me mum, you just get angry. Grown-ups have to get angry with little people so they know when they’ve done something naughty”.

08 September 11: “Why do you say ‘the alarm is going off’? If it’s off it means it’s not on”. She has a point.

08 September 11: “What would you like for pudding Amélie?” “Cucumber please” “Cucumber? For pudding?!” “Pleeeeeease mummy!” (health freak).

09 September 11: “Do you like those Amélie?” “Sure. They’re yummy-scrumptious”.

11 September 11: “We’re like a real princess family. We have tomatoes and stuff” – because the definition of a royal family is one that is in possession of a tomato plant.

15 September 11: “I’m going to be a little bit big but really still small” (on turning 6).

17 September 11: “Can you tell me the story when you had a rock in your willy” (asking to hear the story of Hanno’s kidney stone).

21 September 11: “Muuum! Don’t bend it! It’s an old book: you must be careful!”.

24 September 11: “I’m coming! Keep your pants on!”.

25 September 11: “I’m an adult now, I’m meant to be lazy”.

26 September 11: “How did you do that Amélie?” (looking at a bruise on her foot) “Maybe when I was screaming like a baby” (she had a tantrum this morning about not being able to wear her favorite  – but dirty – top) “Mmm… You did scream like a baby didn’t you?” “But even if I was a pain in the bum, you cuddled me”.

28 September 11: “That was a big fart for a little boy!” (commenting on Charlie’s super-powers).

30 October 11: “Now you’re a boy. Boys drink alcohol” (describing the character I was meant to adopt during a game of cafés).

30 October 11: “Is that too much to ask?!” (she has learned a new expression to indicate her indignation at our poor standards of parenting).

31 October 11: “Hold your horses!”.

31 October 11: “Amélie, did you just fart?” “Yep. That’s what monsters do.” (Halloween has a lot to answer for).

31 October 11: “Mum, can we pretend I’m Matilda and you’re Miss Honey. Miss Trunchball is Grandma Claire” (she loves her great-grandma really).

10 November 11: “Mum, which girl do you love most in the whole wide world?” “You, of course” “Why?” “Because you’re my daughter so i love you more than any other girl ever” “All mummies love their daughters the best. Lily’s mummy loves Lily the best, not me. Even voleurs love their daughters the best” (voleurs = burglars; to Amélie, voleurs are the lowest of the low).

16 November 11: “Look mummy: the grass is white. That means it’s nearly Christmas! I can’t wait for Christmas” (Amélie spots the first frost of winter).

17 November 11:”It’s a candle for people in another world who are in prison but who didn’t do anything. I want to buy one so the people can get out of prison before Christmas” (Amélie on an Amnesty International money-raising campaign).

23 November 11: “Mummy, if you want a holiday tomorrow, you can take my place” (Amélie has a day off while her teachers attend a conférence pedagogique).

24 November 11: “Magic circle. Here’s the magic circle. Come and see it.  I can see it coming. I can feel it on my skin. Deep in the dark. Deep in my heart.” (drawing circles in the bubble bath)

25 November 11: “Mum, is that a real queen?” (watching Dame Edna Everage on tv).

27 November 11: “Did you have fun Amélie” (St Nicholas visited my work) “So much fun I can hardly breath!”

04 December 11: responding to our incredulity at the theme of this year’s Lego advent calendar (thieves and and prison): “Yes! Why not? You don’t know people can steal presents?!”

07 December 11: “Amélie, do you want me to take the élastique out of your hair before you go to sleep?” “No, but I do want you to cuddle me”.

09 December 11: “Mum, I want the same as that (points to the bird mobile hanging above her bed) but a Cass one”.

09 December 11: “I thought Westham scored three hundred and thirty and the other team, Japan, scored zero” (on why she thought Hanno was so happy – he got a distinction for his course)

11 December 11: “One two three… AWAY!” (Amélie plunges her head into the bath water).

14 December 11: “What are you most looking forward to at Christmas Amélie?” “All the SNOOOW!” “But Amélie, it might not snow” “Why? That will be most boring”.

14 December 11: “Charlie is possessed by the light!” (possessed = obsessed. Charlie figured out how to turn my bedside lamp on and off).

16 December 11: “Mum, I’m going to show you a bitch’s tango.” “A WHAT?!” “A bi… a bi… tish tango.” “Ooh… A British tango?” “Yes, a bri-tish tango.” (it involved lots of twirling, by the way)

22 December 11: “WOW! He’s really artisty! Is he more artisty than me?” (http://vimeo.com/33091687)

23 December 11: “Lying has two meanings. It means you’re lying in bed but it also means that you’re mentiring, that you’re saying something that’s not real” (mentir = to lie).

24 December 11: “We are going to make something SUPER exciting!” (playing with Lego).

24 December 11: “What do you want Father Christmas to bring you Amélie?” “I want him to choose because if we tell him what I want it won’t be fair on him”.

24 December 11: “If you tell me Dickens is a crocodile I would believe that. But if the Prime Minister of Belgium was a snappy snappy crocodile, would he still be a Prime Minister? No. So I won’t believe that” (Amélie’s surreal reaction to being told that Father Christmas lives in Lapland).

24 December 11: “”Putain!” – that means “bumpers!”" (Amélie translates french swear-words into Chuggington swear-words).

24 December 11: “Mummy, who are you talking to?” “Hanno” “But he has a deeper voice than normally” “Amélie, it’s not father Christmas” (after lights out on Christmas eve).

25 December 11: “I love you Father Christmas!” (Amélie opens her stocking).

25 December 11: “Boxing day is going to be awfuler than Christmas day” (she means it could never be as good as Christmas day).

27 December 11: “Mum! it tastes of bum!” (I think we may have spoiled Amélie on Belgian chocolate. This was her reaction to a mouthful of Cadbury’s).

30 December 11: “Amélie, I love your little body”. “And I love your huge body mum”.

HAPPY 2012 x